Dude From Offspring: "Smash Is The Way You Deal With Your Life"

September 2008: My first stop was a Medium Fancy hotel, to pick up the Dude From Offspring's Manager. This was around 9am. Dude's Manager and I then rolled across town to a Very Fancy hotel.

Dude From Offspring wasn't waiting outside, so his Manager went inside to check the lobby. He wasn't in the lobby. Manager went to the desk next, and rattled off a handful of aliases that Dude From Offspring often gives hotels. No one was staying under any of these names. He tried the Dude's actual name, which hit. He called up to the room, the Dude needed more time. Dude's Manager bought me a coffee.

(Things to notice/remember: (1.) These guys were both actually really nice. (2.1) The entity, the band that is Offspring has a manager (of course), but also (2.2) apparently the individual members of the band Offspring have their own individual managers as well.)

I drank my coffee in the van while the Manager helped the Dude wake up and get ready. They finally came out, around 10am. The Dude was wasted. Still.

We started rolling to the airport and Dude and Manager started making plans to "go fishing with the kids," sometime. The Manager brought up a few of his favorite Dude From Offspring Drunk stories, but the Dude wasn't in the mood to hear them.

We passed the airfield for private jets. Dude From Offspring pointed out the Singer From Offspring's Private Jet. I asked "which one." He said, "the one with the anarchy symbol on it."

(Really, really not punk.)

Dude & Manager went back to planning. Dude said, "Hey, what tours do we have coming up?"
Manager said, "We're doing Japan in October, and then I don't think we have anything else until those festivals in December."

Dude thought about this for a minute, and then said, "Cool, I was thinking of scheduling some rehab, can you book me some rehab in November?"

"Sure, man. I'll get on that today."

A kind of peace fell over the Dude From Offspring then, he suddenly looked a little calmer, softer, less drunk. He stared out the window at the pretty fall day (I remember the sky: very blue) for the rest of the drive.

The manager talked to me about how enthusiastic Japanese fans of the band Offspring are. For example, a fan will get photos taken with the band in one city, then email the photo to their friend in the next city, who, the friend, will then print it out and get the band to sign it. The Japanese fans are mostly the reason for the hotel aliases.

We got to the airport, the Dude and the Manager hugged. They were on different airlines. I don't remember saying goodbye to either of them. I assume it was just "see you, man." Something like that.

Rider Review: B

Original Twitter Review: "Seattle '08 #Offspring bass player: Wasted @ 10am, saw band's private jet w/ Anarchy symbol (this is not punk), booked some rehab time. (B)"

Melvin Van Peebles: "The Man Tries Running His Usual Game but Sweetback's Jones Is So Strong He Wastes the Hounds"

"(Yeah! Yeah! and Besides That He Will Be Comin' Back Takin' Names and Collecting Dues)"


September 2009: Melvin Van Peebles rocks a Spongebob backpack. He slid open the side door of the van, and asked me to grab it. Then he got in after it, thought for a second, and then climbed up into the front with me. "Hey, Young Man, I'm Mr. Van Peebles."

He couldn't have been off the plane for more than ten minutes, and he already had the stub of an unlit cigar in his mouth. He kept calling me Young Man, and I kept calling him Mr. Van Peebles.

I asked him if he had been to Seattle before. "I don't fuckin' remember. People ask me if I've been to Saigon... I don't fuckin' remember that either: maybe it was Bangkok. I've been everywhere."

I told him I live in Oakland. "Oakland. You know that lake there?" Lake Merritt. "Yep, I used to live in a boathouse on that lake." We talked Oakland for a while (no more boathouses on Lake Merritt), and his time there, but he only spoke for a quick flash about the Panthers.

He talked at length about his old jobs: being a cable-car operator in S.F., working on airplanes, etc. He talked about his apartment in Paris, his place in NY, a little about Mario, and about his new film and the companion graphic novel (Neither of which I've checked out yet- I've heard they're "not great" from trusted sources. I want them to be great; I'm rooting for this dude).

After I let it slip that I'm a drummer, he put in his new cd and we listened to it for the rest of the ride to his hotel. I don't remember much about it, I was trying to think of respectful-to-the-music ways to bring back the conversation. I nodded along (it was funky, I remember). We didn't speak again until he was getting out.

I said, "so if you ever need a drummer on West Coast..." he nodded, shook my hand, closed the door. Then he opened it and said, "what's your last name?" I told him, and it really looked like he was going to try to remember.

(Rider Review: A+)

What It Is

I travel lots, and end up in small spaces with strangers often.

As a sporadically employed escort driver for art & music festivals, a touring musician, a Craigslist ridesharer, a frequent public transit transportee, bicycler, plane-rider, whatever... I always end up rolling with the random folks.

I have a Twitter account, where I try to boil each trip down to 140 characters, "review" the person I rolled with, and apply a letter grade to the experience:

twitter.com/riderreviews

Here, though, I'll go into a little more detail, drop more of those good/terrible quotes, use some slightly more descriptive language than "nice dude" or "kind of a douchebag," and maybe talk a little about the scenery or music or where/when it all went down.

That's what it is.